Tsundoku

[katespencer1]

I'm surrounded by stuff.

It's highly organized and sorted. Neat boxes and cubbies and shelves to keep like things together. I'm obsessed with organization. I'm obsessed with things.

Like books for example.

Last summer I got three boxes of books out of my attic. I have an antique lawyer bookcase in the guest room filled to the brim, with some stacked on top. There's a bookcase in my room too. Books I've never read. It's two books deep. I'm literally hiding books I haven't cracked behind other books I haven't read.

I went through the boxes. It took a few weeks. Every book had a memory, some good and some bad. I said goodbye to some. Reorganized and returned one big tub to the attic. The unread books still sit. It's hard to say goodbye to the promise of a journey to another world.

Who knows when I'll need that escape? I keep preparing. I don't stop buying books. I sort and re-sort my unread shelves. I like thinking more about the escape than living life.

I've been slowing down from seemingly never-ending plans, the schedule I create for myself so I don't have time to take stock. If you're busy, you can't breathe. You can't look around and tell the facade from the reality.

There was a time for everything, a spot for everything, a shelf for this and a drawer for that. A shelf to stack the books that would interest the person I aspire to be or the person I'm running from being.

I picked up a book from my to-read bookshelf the other day. "Lincoln in the Bardo" I took it to a waiting room. I sobbed through the first chapters. The words about grief tapping into the part of me I try to ignore. The tears soothing my soul as the words opened the wounds. The want and sadness that follows the death of a loved one.

Is this why I leave these books stacked? So I'm not forced to confront an aspect of my life I've quietly organized away into a shelf in my psyche?

I'm digging my way out of my head now. Piece by piece. Maybe I'll find more parts on my bookshelf.

Comments

[bsgsix]

I love how this weaved the physical with the mental. It's clever and something I know I can relate to very much. Thank you for writing it, and I hope you find those parts - whatever helps and soothes. *gentle hugs*

[tonithegreat]

Ah! I was just reminded of how I’ve been meaning to order Lincoln in the Bardo this weekend! After reading your piece I really want to check it out. I feel you on not wanting to foreclose any possibilities by selling books. Such precious things! But we all need to work on livable schedules and spaces too.

[adoptedwriter]

I can really relate w your paragraph about needing to slow down. This is my life.

[reidharriscooper]

Lincoln in the Bardo is one of many books I wanted to add to growing pile of unreads, so you got good taste. I've been trying to clean out the piles too, so I relate indeed.

[alycewilson]

Interesting thoughts about the reason we collect such things.

[rayaso]

This was very well written. The paragraph "I've been slowing down" is especially good and I really loved "I'm digging my way out of my head." It was a great exploration of why you have collected your books.

[tjoel2]

I sort and re-sort and organize my books as well. It's very comforting!

[halfshellvenus]

A shelf to stack the books that would interest the person I aspire to be or the person I'm running from being.
I loved this wording-- I think that's true for most of us.

So I'm not forced to confront an aspect of my life I've quietly organized away into a shelf in my psyche?
This is such a perceptive question, and it fits so well with this entry's theme.

Wishing you luck in this journey!

[bewize]

"Is this why I leave these books stacked? So I'm not forced to confront an aspect of my life I've quietly organized away into a shelf in my psyche?"

Very powerful read here.

[nayanawrites]

This is a really well written piece - a seemingly ordinary conversation that has so much depth to the thought process.

I guess somehow I might be able to understand why I am in the stocking habit myself. I have never thought about it with so much introspection. Maybe I should - This definitely helped.

Well Done

[dmousey]

Your writing style always facinates me, Kate. You rarely disappoint, and you din't ere with this piece. **huggs** 😊✌~~~d

[murielle]

I aspire to your brand of organization. Once-upon-a-time I was that organized, but no more.

I love your description of books and what they hold for you. They do touch the deepest recesses of our souls.

Wishing you many joyous findings in your books. Thank you for sharing this with us.

[tatdatcm]

"Who knows when I'll need that escape? I keep preparing."

This line really resonated with me. The escape of a book is a powerful thing.

[the_eternal_overthinker]

"I like thinking more about the escape than living life." This is so me. Reading this stuck a chord at so many personal levels. I like the questions you ask and that made me ponder too. Well written! Great Job!

[fausts_dream]

This take on the prompt resonates with me.