Sucker Punch

My stomach has been rolling for days.

I wake up throughout the night in cold sweats.

I'm living on Gatorade and protein drinks. I'm lucky if I can keep one meal down.

The pills I started taking to get myself out of my head are making me go insane. At least for now.

Friends I have who also take it say the side effects will pass. I've been taking them for about two weeks now. I'm ready for them to pass. To feel the shadow lift. To be hungry again.

Nothing sounds good. Nothing tastes good. I've been off work a week sleeping and not eating and being in more of a funk than before the Prozak.

Now I'm wondering how much of my nausea is from lack of food as it is from the pills, but when I eat it sits like a rock in my stomach.

I started a new therapist. She quit on my 2nd visit. Leaving the practice for one that may or may not take insurance. So I start anew in January. But I'm already on the meds and weaning seems silly until I see if they work.

My stepfather did pass away a couple of weeks ago. Exacerbating some issues already ongoing in the family. I may be having a breakdown. I did have a breakdown a few nights ago to Mems and to my mother.

I don't know if I'm built for handling stress. I've worked in news for 15 years and can handle the worst stories but I truly feel like I'm breaking now.

Part of my problem was keeping it all inside. Amazingly I felt better after my mini-breakdowns. And I felt better after talking to some friends about everything going on.

I'm pretty used to handling things on my own so it is surprising to me how much talking about something relieved my anxiety.

I feel like this year has been one sucker punch after another. I'm ready for it to stop. I'm ready for my pills to kick in. I'm ready to stop puking.

Something's gotta give.