Steadfast

[katespencer1]

My former stepfather is in hospice care.

We weren't close. I never lived with him and my mother. I never lived with my mother.

He's the father of my siblings and the grandfather to my nephew. The nephew ADORES him. He's five and will have no way to process this loss. Does anyone ever have the ability to process this loss?

My birth father died a few years ago, my stepfather knew him. They were in similar circles in high school, which is likely how they ended up married to the same woman at different times.

I remember him coming out to my car one morning when I picked up my nephew to tell me he was sorry. It was a touching moment in a sporadic relationship.

My mom is taking care of him. They've been divorced for decades but he needed somewhere to stay the last time he fell on hard times and she let him. He's been helping her with my nephew Eli since he was born.

They had a tumultuous relationship since high school. Verbal abuse, physical abuse a few months of happiness. When I think back to my view of their relationship I just see chaos. But I was young and there had to be something else holding her to him.

Some connection or spark that's long since ebbed out. Now they are just people who've been through a lot together. Going on their final journey.

I wonder how this will impact her. She hasn't said much about it. I don't know that she ever will. My mother is always one for internalizing things. She's steadfast in kind of putting her head down and plowing through.

In some ways, it's an admirable trait, but at times I wonder what internalizing all those negative thoughts will do to her insides.

She and I took Eli to my Pops' grave earlier this year. It would have been his 90th birthday. Ever since then Eli reminds me that my grandpa died, but he didn't want his grandpa to die. Now it's our reality.

Our sweet boy will go through the loss of his only father figure. I was 17 when it happened and as evidenced in my posts I'm still not OK.

I worry what this will do to his spirit and his bubbliness and everything that makes him our boy. Until then we'll just keep plowing through until we have to cross the bridge.

Comments

[murielle]

I was five when my father died. I adored my father. I think it is necessary to process death and loss at our own speed and in our own time. Especially the very young. I distrust the notion that it can be handled, tucked away. Loss is an ongoing process. It can take a lifetime. You are helping your nephew by giving him your support and allowing him to talk openly about his experience and understanding of these events.

Beautifully written reflection on a painful subject. I'm so sorry for what you and your family is going through. *Hugs*

[the_eternal_overthinker]

Aww..*hugs*...it's a tough situation especially when a kid is involved , it's difficult to explain and we never know how they'll take and cope with the situation.
Take care. <3

[bleodswean]

Oh, this is gorgeously written and very powerfully felt. You've done a superb job capturing complicated thoughts and relaying them into words filled with emotion.

[static_abyss]

Those are some tough questions you're pondering in your piece with regards to your nephew. I'm sorry for what you and your family are going through.

[bsgsix]

What a powerful piece with some lingering, intense questions. I am so sorry that this is happening, but the writing is captivating.

[halfshellvenus]

Now they are just people who've been through a lot together. Going on their final journey.
It's a tough journey to be on, but probably better for both that they still have that bond. The friendship outlasted the romance, and while none of it was ever ideal, the bond is still there.

I'm so sorry your family is going through this, and that your nephew won't be able to escape it. He has an extended family that clearly adores him, and I hope that will help.

[wolfden]

Hospice is such a blessing when you need it. This is a powerful piece. I was not quite 17 when my dad died. My friend's daughter was 7 when her dad died suddenly. Your nephew seems to have a good support system in place. I hope that helps him. I was 2 when my grandfather died. I don't remember that at all but my mom says I argued that he was coming back. There are some good books for kids that deal with loss .

[alycewilson]

What a sad time for your family and you. I remember my sister going through that with her mother-in-law after a cancer diagnosis. It was really difficult to get the children to understand, especially the youngest. But they are doing a lot better these days, and one day your nephew will, too.

[rayaso]

This was very well written, and very touching. I am especially sorry for your nephew. His family will help, but that is so much to cope with at such a young age.

[sonreir]

It's strange how death can bring us together, even if there's no other connection there.

I'm sorry for what you have been through. You write about it well, but the sadness and the resignation in this piece is palpable.

[dmousey]

My heart aches for you and you family. May comfort and blessings be with you all. ✌😊🐁🐭

[bellatrixe]

You did a great job getting down the raw emotion. I'm really sorry about the situation though :( *hugs*

[flipflop_diva]

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. They say kids are more resilient than adults, so I am sending good thoughts that your nephew will be okay.

This was a very powerful piece, though, and I'm sending you so many virtual hugs and comfort for this really hard time <333